IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME

September 27, 2012 is a day that changed my plans for the year. I as admitted to the hospital and officially put on bed rest for the next seven weeks. If I could turn back time, I wish I could have those seven weeks back. However, those seven weeks is what brought my little girl her safe and healthy.

Tomorrow I will rejoin the real world and become a working mom again. This time a working mom of two kids. I'm very sad for the fact that I've only had Mary home for two weeks. I feel as if I haven't gotten that good time in with her. I did enjoy my two weeks with her and look forward to my time off in the future.

I know tomorrow will be hard, but each day in the future it will get easier. My piece of mind comes in knowing that she will be home with Jack tomorrow. If not mommy, then daddy! Right?

Thank you all for the kind words, the love and support! My 60 kids I know are ready to have me back along with my team! Hopefully they can handle me and my emotional self tomorrow

Please let tonight go slow!

FIRST WEEK HOME..

We have almost made it a full week home as a new family. It has been an amazing week. We didn't think we would survive after night one, but we are officially still standing and not ready to take her back.

Wednesday night brought about a different thing for us. When we came home from the hospital without Mary I was the only one getting up in the middle of the night. Now, we were having to do it with a new baby. It's amazing how much you forget about what goes on with a new born. We did it four years ago, but this time it feels way different. Mary was on a schedule in the NICU and they encouraged us to keep to that schedule. We finished her feed at 11, and went to sleep. She did a great job of going to sleep. Her next feed was at 2, and she didn't go back to sleep. Mary made lots of funny noises that we were not use to. She also didn't eat like we expected her to. Our biggest battle of getting out of the NICU was getting her to eat. Now, I felt as if we were going backwards. We ended up calling the NICU to make sure we were doing things right and that she wasn't going backwards. They told us a few things to try and encouraged us to keep it up. We felt lost. Were we doing it right?

Thursday and Friday didn't bring about any big changes. We were exhausted and it was hard. When we had Maggie 4 years ago we could go back to sleep and got plenty of rest. This time we have a 4 year old to put into the equation and there was no extra rest to be had. We did trade off sleeping in, so that helped. Mary still was not eating well, so again we called the NICU (our 3rd call.) At this point, they probably think we are crazy and wonder why they released her to come home to us.

They suggested we call our pedi and get her a weight check. Our pedi was great and told us to not be worried. She told us that babies have to adjust to their new surroundings. They did allow us to come in for a weight check, and she was doing fine.

Mary is what I call our puzzle. She's on her own schedule. We have finally started to figure her out, noises and all! We should have known she would do her own thing. That's how it has been this whole time.

Our family is in love with this little girl! We can't get enough if her!

OUR JOURNEY HOME..

Don't know why blogger won't let me post any post in paragraphs. I write them in paragraphs. Sorry for the long blog. It all started on Monday the day before Christmas. Jack and I went together to visit Mary and had a long talk with the nurses. Mary had been doing 6 nipple feedings and needed to move up to 8. The nurses felt she was ready for it. We were very excited and ready to see what could happen. Never in a million years did we believe it would happen as fast as it did. We kept calling and checking in after each feed, and she had been very successful. So, for us our hopes for getting closer to home were looking up. It was still a very hard day knowing it was Christmas Eve and we were not going to be going to church as a family and back home to celebrate together. On Christmas morning we got up and did Santa with Maggie. I think each year Santa gets better and better. I know one year that excitement will no longer be the same, but I want to hold on to the joy I see on her face now forever! After we ate breakfast and cleaned up, Jack and I headed to the hospital to which we received our Santa gift. We walked in to find that Mary's tube was no longer in. It had been 40 days since she was born, and seeing her without that tube was the best gift ever. We knew at that point we had 48 hours for her to have successful feeds, and then we could be out of there. Again, we had to leave her to continue to celebrate Christmas. Jack and I would call after each feed to check in. When we called after the 8PM feed we were told our Christmas present would be coming home the next day. We stood in shock and excitement. Could it really be happening, and happening that fast? The morning after Christmas the ground was still covered in ice. We knew we had our car seat test at 1, so I decided to go in for the 11AM feed. When I got there it was as if things started so fast. I feed Mary and then immediately after that she started her car seat test. At that moment I had a complete melt down. As much as I wanted her home, I didn't know if I was ready for it. We had nothing prepared, in our minds we had 48 hours and it was happening faster than expected. The sweet nurses in the NICU really calmed my fears. They knew the right words to say to convince me that we were really ready. I knew we were, but the fear of taking something so fragile home made me a nervous wreck. Mary was to complete a car seat test. She had to sit in the car seat for 2 hours and hold an oxygen level about 90%. During that time I left and went home to get some things wrapped up and ready for her to come home. Jack had done a great job of washing bottles, and setting up our necessary items that we needed. At this point we still didn't have a single diaper in the house for her. Wow, did we have a lot to do. Around 1:30, we got a phone call we didn't want to hear. Mary had failed her car seat test. The only way to get her home was to take another car seat up to the hospital for her to try and let her take the test again. So, almost $200 dollars later Mary has a fancy new car seat that she was able to pass in! It was 5:00PM and we were headed to the hospital to pick up our little girl. It was amazing to see the look on Maggie's face as we rolled out the two double doors of the NICU. Maggie just sat and poked her sisters face. She repeated over and over, " That is my baby sister!" It was amazing that we were about to start our journey as a family of four together. We managed to get home and get settled in. It was time to start our first official night together! Mary's new car seat! She fits so well!

Mary rolling out of the NICU in style!

Maggie meeting her little sister for the first time!

Our first family photo as a family of 4!