Sunday, January 13, 2013


September 27, 2012 is a day that changed my plans for the year. I as admitted to the hospital and officially put on bed rest for the next seven weeks. If I could turn back time, I wish I could have those seven weeks back. However, those seven weeks is what brought my little girl her safe and healthy.

Tomorrow I will rejoin the real world and become a working mom again. This time a working mom of two kids. I'm very sad for the fact that I've only had Mary home for two weeks. I feel as if I haven't gotten that good time in with her. I did enjoy my two weeks with her and look forward to my time off in the future.

I know tomorrow will be hard, but each day in the future it will get easier. My piece of mind comes in knowing that she will be home with Jack tomorrow. If not mommy, then daddy! Right?

Thank you all for the kind words, the love and support! My 60 kids I know are ready to have me back along with my team! Hopefully they can handle me and my emotional self tomorrow

Please let tonight go slow!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013


We have almost made it a full week home as a new family. It has been an amazing week. We didn't think we would survive after night one, but we are officially still standing and not ready to take her back.

Wednesday night brought about a different thing for us. When we came home from the hospital without Mary I was the only one getting up in the middle of the night. Now, we were having to do it with a new baby. It's amazing how much you forget about what goes on with a new born. We did it four years ago, but this time it feels way different. Mary was on a schedule in the NICU and they encouraged us to keep to that schedule. We finished her feed at 11, and went to sleep. She did a great job of going to sleep. Her next feed was at 2, and she didn't go back to sleep. Mary made lots of funny noises that we were not use to. She also didn't eat like we expected her to. Our biggest battle of getting out of the NICU was getting her to eat. Now, I felt as if we were going backwards. We ended up calling the NICU to make sure we were doing things right and that she wasn't going backwards. They told us a few things to try and encouraged us to keep it up. We felt lost. Were we doing it right?

Thursday and Friday didn't bring about any big changes. We were exhausted and it was hard. When we had Maggie 4 years ago we could go back to sleep and got plenty of rest. This time we have a 4 year old to put into the equation and there was no extra rest to be had. We did trade off sleeping in, so that helped. Mary still was not eating well, so again we called the NICU (our 3rd call.) At this point, they probably think we are crazy and wonder why they released her to come home to us.

They suggested we call our pedi and get her a weight check. Our pedi was great and told us to not be worried. She told us that babies have to adjust to their new surroundings. They did allow us to come in for a weight check, and she was doing fine.

Mary is what I call our puzzle. She's on her own schedule. We have finally started to figure her out, noises and all! We should have known she would do her own thing. That's how it has been this whole time.

Our family is in love with this little girl! We can't get enough if her!


Don't know why blogger won't let me post any post in paragraphs. I write them in paragraphs. Sorry for the long blog. It all started on Monday the day before Christmas. Jack and I went together to visit Mary and had a long talk with the nurses. Mary had been doing 6 nipple feedings and needed to move up to 8. The nurses felt she was ready for it. We were very excited and ready to see what could happen. Never in a million years did we believe it would happen as fast as it did. We kept calling and checking in after each feed, and she had been very successful. So, for us our hopes for getting closer to home were looking up. It was still a very hard day knowing it was Christmas Eve and we were not going to be going to church as a family and back home to celebrate together. On Christmas morning we got up and did Santa with Maggie. I think each year Santa gets better and better. I know one year that excitement will no longer be the same, but I want to hold on to the joy I see on her face now forever! After we ate breakfast and cleaned up, Jack and I headed to the hospital to which we received our Santa gift. We walked in to find that Mary's tube was no longer in. It had been 40 days since she was born, and seeing her without that tube was the best gift ever. We knew at that point we had 48 hours for her to have successful feeds, and then we could be out of there. Again, we had to leave her to continue to celebrate Christmas. Jack and I would call after each feed to check in. When we called after the 8PM feed we were told our Christmas present would be coming home the next day. We stood in shock and excitement. Could it really be happening, and happening that fast? The morning after Christmas the ground was still covered in ice. We knew we had our car seat test at 1, so I decided to go in for the 11AM feed. When I got there it was as if things started so fast. I feed Mary and then immediately after that she started her car seat test. At that moment I had a complete melt down. As much as I wanted her home, I didn't know if I was ready for it. We had nothing prepared, in our minds we had 48 hours and it was happening faster than expected. The sweet nurses in the NICU really calmed my fears. They knew the right words to say to convince me that we were really ready. I knew we were, but the fear of taking something so fragile home made me a nervous wreck. Mary was to complete a car seat test. She had to sit in the car seat for 2 hours and hold an oxygen level about 90%. During that time I left and went home to get some things wrapped up and ready for her to come home. Jack had done a great job of washing bottles, and setting up our necessary items that we needed. At this point we still didn't have a single diaper in the house for her. Wow, did we have a lot to do. Around 1:30, we got a phone call we didn't want to hear. Mary had failed her car seat test. The only way to get her home was to take another car seat up to the hospital for her to try and let her take the test again. So, almost $200 dollars later Mary has a fancy new car seat that she was able to pass in! It was 5:00PM and we were headed to the hospital to pick up our little girl. It was amazing to see the look on Maggie's face as we rolled out the two double doors of the NICU. Maggie just sat and poked her sisters face. She repeated over and over, " That is my baby sister!" It was amazing that we were about to start our journey as a family of four together. We managed to get home and get settled in. It was time to start our first official night together! Mary's new car seat! She fits so well!
Mary rolling out of the NICU in style!
Maggie meeting her little sister for the first time!
Our first family photo as a family of 4!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


We are now beginning week 5 in the NICU. It is hard to believe that I gave birth 5 weeks ago. For the past 5 weeks, we have been climbing a mountain. Mary has taken off and was a skilled climber. She has really amazed so many with her efforts.

As I stated before, we have several milestones we have to reach. Mary has been that mountain climber that pushed so hard to do so much. Well, I think she has finally tuckered out. She is beginning to tell us that she is still little and needs to slow down. I can't be sad, because she has worked so hard.

Right now Mary has accomplished 4 out of 8 nipples. This is great news. The part that holds her back is finishing those feeds. She starts very strong, but tires out. We also get one really great feed out of her, but then the others are hard work.
It is great to celebrate her success, but I also have to tell myself that she is young and still growing. Right now she should still be inside of me growing. However, all the things she was to learn inside of me, she is having to do on the outside.

It is hard not to get down some days. I come twice a day and feed her, then we cuddle. It's those moments that I treasure. It is hard to walk away, but my duty as a mom calls for me to go to Maggie. Jack then comes home and spends a little time with us before he heads out to be with Mary. I know this is just a short period, but it's really hard. I appreciate all the people who tell me to stay positive and that this too will pass. However, I do need that moment to break down. That moment too will pass!

We might be on a plateau right now, and that is okay. We will eventually over come this too and our feeds will pick up. After that, we should be closer to coming home and all being together.

I'm proud of my family and how we have worked together. We will continue to climb this mountain together and overcome what we are faced with. Again, I'm blessed with so much. I have a healthy 36 weeker and a fun 4 year old!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

DAY 21 - WEEK 3

Yesterday was our week 3 birthday, or day 21 stay in the NICU. We have come so far and have accomplished so much. It's just amazing to me how well our little fighter has done!

Mary has task that she has to accomplish before she comes home. Of course the teacher in me is wanting her to be the best student! Although she is doing really well, some task are harder than others.

Many have said that this is a tiny baby and that is easy to deal with. Well, yes Mary is small. However, it's not all about her size. Mary has little milestones she has to accomplish and learn. This is where it gets hard, because you want her to do them fast!

Mary's todo list:

1) Mary has to maintain her own body temperature. She has done wonderful with this. She is now out of her bed and able to be in an open crib! This was an easy task to pass. I think she runs hot naturally like her daddy and sister.

2) Mary has to complete 8 bottle feeds a day with out a tube in her stomach. She is doing 4! They usually don't start trying until they are 34 weeks old, but she showed signs at week 33. Overall she does a good job, but she tires out pretty easy on this task. If she completes a feed great, if not they finish through the tube.

3) She will have to pass a carseat test. This will be closer to us getting home. When we talk about that you know we will be excited!

4) She can't have any Brady's. These are the episodes when her heart rate drops below 80. Jack and I have witnessed this for the first time. She turns gray and her eyes roll back in her head. It is a very scary feeling to watch and see. Part of this is her maturity. She will have to learn to suck, swallow and breath while she eats. If she has a Brady as we get closer to home, it sets us back 5 days.

Overall, Mary is the princess of the NICU. The nurses love her and fight over her. All the boys in the NICU have high demands, and Mary makes things pretty easy!

Jack and I are very blessed. We have two beautiful daughters and can't wait to finally have Mary home. We don't have a time frame, but keep praying that it is pretty soon. I'm just hoping its before the New Year so I get some time home with her before I return to work! However, if that is not the plan I'll understand and know she's in the best place.

Thank you to everyone who has been part of our journey. We are very lucky to have so many people fighting and cheering for us. Again, we are blessed in so many ways.

Friday, November 30, 2012


Wow, thirty days of blogging for me! That might just be a record. I have actually grown attached to my new journey. We will see how long I can keep it up. No promises made.

Now, I am winding down my 30 days of thankfulness. When I started this journey I never imagined I would be where I am today. I was home on bed rest and trying to look for ways to be happy about it. I was wavering on depression, and thought that finding the positives in bed rest would help. Never did I imagine I would have a two week old by the time I wrapped up this post.

Today marks the end of my 30 days. I I feel that I accomplished something big in this process and I can only hope I will continue to live through what I have already started. I have found it is something that helps my sanity and keeps me positive about our current situation.

My last bit of thankfulness is for my faith. I do believe they without my faith I wouldn't have the attitude that I have been blessed with. Now, I still cry at times and want to have a three year old meltdown, but I have to realize that it's not solving my problems. Believing that God had been kind to me and has blessed me with challenges in life only makes me stronger. I will never no why my life goes the directions it goes, but through my faith I can believe it had a purpose.

Everyday I put my faith first and know that my family is in great hands. God brought me a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters that will forever keep me on my toes. God has provided me a life that is truly amazing and at times hard, However, it is him who I believe knows my destiny.

Today, I am blessed. I know that tomorrow I will be just as blessed if not more.

Thursday, November 29, 2012


Today I am thankful for a first. Mary tried her first bottle today. Now, it wasn't like a normal bottle. This bottle was only 10 ml. However, for just doing 10, she did great. She only had to be reminded twice to breath.

I'm so proud of my little over achiever. Now, I can only hope she's closer to coming home. I go back to work January 14 which is her due date. Praying I get some full time with her!

Again, it's all been a crazy, but wonderful journey. I'm very blessed to be thankful for so much!